Nope… it’s not awesome

**Disclaimer… not all posts will be all sad face like this.  I just felt like I should explain what was going on the Fibro thing before I went any further.  Like a first date… I want to throw it all on the table.  I promise, better stuff is coming 0 like gun buying adventures for the impending zombie apocalypse.  But today, I wanted to share where I am with the Fibro thing.

Invisible diseases are like silent letters in words.  No one really gets why they exist, but we all try to play by the rules.  Fibromyalgia is no different.  I’m young in my diagnosis.  Only a few months in.  I’m still trying to understand it.  I am still trying to get hold of the rhythm of it… the “why” of it.  Why was I fine yesterday, but today I feel like someone beat me with a log while I slept?  Why did it hurt to walk yesterday, when last week it didn’t hurt at all?  Why do my hips burn?  Why does it feel like razors against my skin when someone brushes my shoulder with their hand?  Why am I so tired?  Why don’t I know what tomorrow will be like?

*sigh*

For those who don’t know what Fibromyalgia is, see this link for an in-depth explanation.  Here is the quick explanation: Fibromyalgia is a syndrome that causes me (and other patients) to feel pain where there is no reason for it.  The pain can feel like it is radiating from joints.  It can be sharp, shooting pain.  Sometimes it feels like my skin is burning.  My legs ache, sometimes.  My back can feel like it is on fire.  Advil (or other NSAIDs) don’t help.  Pain, though, is just one part of it.  The exhaustion is unbelievable.  I can’t tell you how tired I am.  All the time.  Some days are better.  But most days feel like I am walking uphill in mud with heavy boots on.  Then, there’s the fog – “Fibro-Fog”… sort of feels like I took Sudafed and took a short nap in the middle of the day.  You know that feeling of foggy-grogginess when you wake up?  That’s how I feel, on some days. 

 

The sun will rise tomorrow.

The worst part – there’s no explanation, rhyme or reason to it.  I can do the exact same thing, eat the exact same thing, sleep the same way, for the same amount of time… but the pain will change and shift every day.  It can be very frustrating.  Some days I feel like just hiding in the closet and crying.  Other days I want to scream and run and just get away from it.  And some days are fine.

It makes the depression worse.  And the depression and stress make the Fibro worse.  That really sucks!

I take Lyrica to help control it.  That helps.  I thought I was going to die before I started taking it – this makes it a little more manageable.  But it doesn’t make it go away.

The moral of the story is that it isn’t awesome.  It hurts, a lot.  The moral of the story is that you never know.  Someone who may look totally composed on the outside may be falling apart on the inside.  Someone who may be quiet and withdrawn might be suffering in silence.  Someone who is losing her mind might not be able to help it today. 

So be gentle.  We’re all fighting our own battles.  Sometimes, you just can’t see them.